【1996 Archives】

There996 Archivesdogs, and then there are fancydogs. This gift guide is for the fancy dogs.

We're talking about the Roberts, the Katherines, the occasional Linda: The dogs who have somehow transcended the trappings of caninehood and acquired human names. Like fancy humans, these dogs have expensive taste and are probably snooty, but you still want to impress them. In fact, you might want to impress them desperately.

SEE ALSO: 12 gift ideas for TV lovers who don't need a 1,000th Funko Pop

We're here to help you do just that. Here are the best gifts for the dog with a human name in your life.

1. A very refined food stand

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An elegant piece of furniture of which Chip and Joanna Gaines would be proud. Plus, as we all learned in third grade, cursive is fancy.

Price: $145+ on Etsy

2. A bottle of dog-friendly CBD oil

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Haven't you heard? Dogs love CBD oil now, and BarkShop was the first retailer to meet the demand. Be warned, though: While some pet owners noticed their pups were visibly calmer after taking the product, other owners didn't detect any changes at all.

Price: $69 on BarkShop

3. An incredibly fashionable designer bag

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Pawlenciaga. Chewy Vuitton. Michael Klaws. All the luxe brands fancy dogs (who understand capitalism and can read labels) know and love.

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Price: $14.99 on Amazon

4. A puzzle treat dispenser

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Dogs can't play TwoDots, but they can use this highly sophisticated Nina Ottoson treat puzzle.

Price: $24.99 on Chewy

5. A mid-century modern ranch home

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It's labeled "1118 Woof Ranch," in case you were curious. We hope your fancy dog is a skilled gardener.

Price: $3,500 on Etsy

6. A gorgeous and not-at-all-tacky credit card toy

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Every fancy dog's dream: An unlimited line of credit they can also chew on.

Price: $11.99 on Amazon

7. A doggie DNA testing kit

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So your dog, Richard, can subtly lord his results over the other dogs at the dog park.

Price: $84.99 on Chewy

8. Some breath-freshening treats

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Dogs with human names should also have human breath. Post-dentist human breath, of course.

Price: $39.99 on Chewy

9. Athleisure

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Bless the fancy dog in your life with the valuable gift of brand clout.

Price: $9.59+ on Chewy

10. A faux mink pet bed

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This will only work for a small dog -- perhaps a Chihuahua named Lucille -- but it's still extremely funny.

Price: $72.99 on Houzz

11. A lovely pink coat

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While we're talking faux fur, check this out this trendy coat. It's on the darker end of millennial pink, but it still counts. And doesn't this model (named Amy, presumably) look thrilled?

Price: $23.98 on Amazon

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