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Now hear this,beautiful teen sex videos all other band merch websites: Pack it up and go home. Jurassic 5 has you beat.

In addition to being one of the greatest hip hop groups ever (fight me), Jurassic 5 also has a website filled with wonders. You can buy T-shirts and hoodies, of course -- basic, necessary supplies for any band doing business in the age of the internet -- but things get weird after that.

For example: You can spend $1,000 to have a "Gamer Buddy for Life" with J5 emcee Marc 7. Xbox One is his console of choice. He mostly plays sports games like Madden, NBA 2K, and "hockey" (presumably EA's NHLseries), "as well as several other favorite titles."

Prefer movies to games? No problem! Let J5's Soup pick you up for movie matinee. The "Day at the Movies with Soup" purchase will only run you $700. Alternatively, you can spend a little more -- $800, to be exact -- and have Soup run your errands.

"Options include: carwash, laundry (wash + fold), grocery shopping, and baking a cake." I would definitely spend $800 on a Soup cake, folks. Money well spent.

There are other, more musically oriented options as well. You can book studio sessions with various members of the group, or hire them for guest verses on your own recordings. But you can also spend $10,000 to commission graffiti art from Chali 2na, or spend $700 to have dinner with Soup at Will's Jamaican Cuisine in Inglewood.

It's all amazing. I love Jurassic 5. I've always loved Jurassic 5. Now I love them even more. I can't afford most of these things, but just knowing the option is out there for anyone to spend $1,000 on a record shopping date with Cut Chemist helps me sleep better at night.

Go browse through the Jurassic 5 online store and see it all for yourself.

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