【Mystery Archives】

Thank God: Our national nightmare is Mystery Archivesover as Americans coast to coast collectively exhale.

No, Donald Trump has not resigned from the presidency. What we're talking about here is of much more importance: Shaquille O'Neal, it turns out, does not actuallybelieve the world is flat.

You may recall last week when the retired NBA star and all-around celebrity said on his podcast that the spherical Earth is actually flat. Hoo-boy, let me tell you, did this bit of ground-breaking information from a scientific expert spawn some internet clicks. (Although our own Miriam Kramer did write a nuanced and thoughtful look at what's reallyup with flat-Earthers — you should check it out.)

Anyway, turns out the moral of this story is: Psych (or sike, if you prefer).

Shaq does not actually believe the Earth is flat.

“The first part of the theory is, I’m joking, you idiots," the retired NBA star said on a podcast called the Art of Charm, per ForTheWin. "That’s the first part of the theory. The second part is, I said jokingly that when I’m in my bus and I drive from Florida to California, which I do every summer, it seems to be flat. When I’m in my plane, and we’re getting ready to land, and I open up the window, and I’m looking at all the land that we’re flying over, it seems to be flat. But this world we live in people take things too seriously."

But hooooold up.

Take things too seriously, Shaq? Whotakes things too seriously?

Are you reallytrying to say that, when a celebrity scientific non-expert says something egregiously dumb, we aren'tsupposed to all take it Very Seriously? Are you implying celebrities are notthe real scientists of America in 2017?

Are you saying a struggling news industry shouldn'tjump right on this non-essential bit of information from a non-leading, non-scientific mind, all in the name of some cheap clicks and pageviews?

Well, I mean, damn — you might have a point.

But what's up with Kyrie Irving, though? He's a current NBA star who claimed the Earth is flat weeks before Shaq, and he stillhasn't walked that back.

And so it turns out a beleaguered nation waits on with bated breath, its leading scientific minds split on an essential question of human existence.

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