【Exploring The Jungle Between My Wife’s Crotch】

If there's such a thing as a smoking gun email,Exploring The Jungle Between My Wife’s Crotch here it is: Donald Trump Jr. plainly stating that he'd "love" a Russian government lawyer to provide dirt on Hillary Clinton to the Trump campaign.

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The whole thing is—in what will become the most commonly understated use of the word in American electoral politics—stupid. But we'll leave the political hand-wringing to others.

Because something else about this thing stinks.

Let this email chain stand as a lesson to every single person who communicates via smartphone in the year 2017, thanks to one repeated line: "This iphone speaks many languages."

Rob Goldstone, the music promoter who arranged a meeting between Don Jr. and Russian lawyers last year, has an awful, cringe-so-hard-your-eyelids-bleed email signature of a familiar sort we all should've left behind years ago. We'll repeat it once more, and then try to forget it forever:

"This iphone speaks many languages."

It's an odd variant of the ubiquitous "Sent from an iPhone, excuse typos" signature you've encountered in countless memoranda since humble-bragging Apple early-adopting nerdballs starting sending it from the first iPhones 10 years ago, the connotation of which is intended as: "Hey, this message might be inadvertently nonsensical or mistake-ridden, because I had to write it by pressing my greasy thumbs against a sheet of glass, and its virtual buttons are the size of Tic Tacs."

We sense Goldstone is making a joke here—those aren't typos, my iPhone is just speaking a different language ;).

It's a bad one, and there's a lesson here.

Everyone has a smartphone now. Indicating that the email you sent came from an iPhone is (1) redundant, and (2) lazy. It's to say: "I don't really respect you enough to check for typos [even though we are conducting very important/potentially treasonous business that would benefit for precision in thought and communication]."

In essence: It's actually kind of rudeto include a line like this in your email signature. Yeah, dude, we all have phones, and we get that typos are a thing—you're not, like, special. Aside from the Russian collusion thing.

So, if you must: A simple "Sent from my iPhone" will suffice.

Or better: "Sent from my phone," so as to avoid any implied superiority over a budget Android device.

[And if you're curious, that's "Отправлено с моего телефона" in Russian.]

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